Broken

I am broken
Made to feel inferior by your constant provoking

Beaten by your words, defeated by your actions
Ruined myself confidence with your dissatisfaction
Overly critical of all that I do
Keen to berate and rip me in two
Every discussion, I’m wrong and you’re right
Never realizing you brought me so much pain, night after night

Small

You make me feel small
Like I don’t matter at all

I try to speak up, to use my voice
But screaming is often your method of choice

I try to stand tall and hold my ground
But you tower over me and push me around

You get so close up and in my face
Invading all my personal space

To you, I’m simply dismissible
I don’t matter and am completely invisible

You make me feel small
And one day, that will be your biggest downfall

Broken

I feel broken.

Mentally, emotionally, physically. It’s exhausting keeping up with the day-to-day but I have to and so I do. But I want to curl up in the dark with my puppies and sleep. Everything seems off, nothing is right. I try, I fail. Every effort unnoticed or unappreciated. All I want to do is sleep and when I do it’s never enough.

Crying. Unexplained pain. Migraines.

I feel broken.

.

.

.

.

.

But there’s tomorrow. I will try tomorrow.

 

Three years gone…

I love to write. And in the last three years I would say I have written the occasional damn good post. BUT…I lost all that content. 😦

Unfortunately, I was using a third party company for my web-hosting and they decided to rob me a large sum of money (at least for me) without warning. We didn’t see eye to eye on the whole thing. When I canceled my service and they sent me all my files in a zip and so far it’s just a mumbo jumbo mess. 😦 Three years of decent blogging… gone.

I’ve bitched. I’ve complained. I’ve mourned. Now I’m just trying to move forward.

I considered starting fresh somewhere else. BUT… I love The Bluntest Blog and I’m not willing to give up on it just because someone shit all over my bloggy dreams.

So…I’ve decided to push through the pain and write on.