Tag: work

Chronicles of Cube World: The Aggressive Flosser

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If you’re new here – I work in an office, with people who are….unique. I share my thoughts via the Twitter from time to time but sometimes I have a little more I need to say.

Today I would like to introduce you to the Aggressive Flosser. She is a special office person that her flosses her teeth several times a day in the ladies bathroom. And shares her flossing and dental health with you while you’re there. I would like the record to indicate that I would have kept her gender anonymous, however, our encounters have only been in the bathroom so….. *shrugs*

The first time we met in the restroom, the Aggressive Flosser was at the sink doing her thing. I came into the bathroom to do my thing. *Ahem* When I went to wash my hands, like all civilized people should do, she proceeded to give me her dental history. She explained to me that the reason she was flossing was because her teeth are rotting. I’m sorry, WHAT!? Yes, her teeth are rotting. Gurl, we have dental coverage here – why did you let this happen? Then…. SHE LEANED OVER TO SHOW ME. *insert Sarah face here* I stepped back, waaaay the fuck back. It took every fiber of being to not gag right in her face. I did the polite uh huh, okay and left. Why do people feel the need to over share? G R O S S.

Our next encounter was even more awkward. Again, I walked in and she was flossing. There were others in the restroom too, so I naively thought this meant she would leave me alone. She proceeded to talk while I was in the stall and asked, “Do your gums ever bleed when you floss? Happens to me all the time.” I thought she must have been speaking to someone else. Surely she wasn’t speaking to me. I am doing my business. When I went to go wash my hands, she repeated herself and gave me a look like how rude of me to not answer her. And I was like are you talking to me? and she was all like, “Well of course who else would I be speaking to?” I’m not exactly known for hiding my feelings so I’m sure my face said it all. I said something along the lines of oh, my mistake and left in a hurry.

First of all – there is not a co-worker on planet earth that is close enough with me that we can chat while my ass is on the pot. Period. Second, I don’t know this woman from Adam and she thinks we can chat it up in the bathroom?! GTFOH with that shit!!! Third, the bathroom is not a place for a social event. And lastly and most importantly, I hate people. Leave me the fuck alone to pee and wash my hands.

Most recently – we had a team dinner at Firebirds because a colleague was in town from across the pond. We were all gabbing about office life and all of sudden my cube mate – who we will just call K goes, “OMG there is a lady in the office who obsessively flosses and she freaks me out.” See it’s not just me, you guys.

This woman terrifies me with her dedication to dental hygiene. She flosses in the office as a minimum of three times a day. And also her rotting teeth, which she likes to share with people. Bro, keep that to yourself. We all have issues but we don’t need to share. I will admit – the last time I walked into the bathroom and she was there, I totally walked out like I forgot something and just held it for awhile till the coast was clear. Does that make me an awful person? Probably.

For all I know – she could be a delightful human being. But I’m not into making friends in the washroom. It’s not the time or place for social interactions. And also – I hate people.

Chronicles of Cube World: 6pger

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I work in an office. I chronicle my work experiences often in my #chroniclesofcubeworld tweets. But I’ve decided that some things just need told.

Today I’d like to introduce you to a person in the office that I affectionately call 6 pager (aka 6pger). Why, you ask, do I call said person 6pger? Because when they applied for their current role – they submitted a six page resume.

Let me explain something. Resume etiquette – yes there is etiquette for resume writing – states that you should have one page for every ten years of professional work. Most people keep it between one to two pages. That being said – the ONLY time a six page resume would be acceptable is if:

  • You’ve dedicated 60+ years of your life to a career and your CV needs to reflect the breadth of your work.
  • You are in fact the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa or Gandhi, all of whom would be too humble to have six pages of things to say about themselves anyway.
  • You’ve walked on the moon, solved world hunger, cured cancer, secured all children proper education across the globe and or brought peace to all of the Middle East.

That’s it! So if you don’t fit into those categories a six page resume is absolutely unacceptable. But I digress…

6pager has been around for a minute now but still is of the volition that learning the actual parts of the role is optional. This I can’t wrap my head around. When I begin a new role or take on any new responsibility and they tell me to learn X. I learn X. And then Y and Z. Because knowledge is power! Additionally, said verbose individual does not collaborate, communicate, or commiserate with teammates. The team is small so if one of the group doesn’t actively participate it makes a very lopsided team dynamic. This person essentially takes notes, sends meeting notices and meeting minutes. They are a glorified note taker, making too much for doing too little.

And despite how long winded and highly accredited 6pger is, they lack the ability to critically think. As in none whatsoever. Like not even out of a cardboard box. This is alarming to me in a heavy critical thinking, problem solving type role. If complete, step by step directions are not given or a template not provided – they are all deer in the headlights. The one thing that I think bothers me the most is that 6pger is a “let me go ask permission” employee. You know the type? This is a high preforming, high caliber, working professional environment. If you feel like you need to run to mommy or daddy to ask permission before you make any decision, then this is not the place for you. Period. It’s disgraceful. It means you aren’t capable of thinking or executing on your own.

*Deep sigh* 

Six whole pages of resume and yet so many holes.

6pger is a nice human being. Naive as hell but nice. Just not someone I care to interact with at work. Or ever.

Confessions – 5th ed.

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If you are just joining the shenanigans – I like to confess shit. Just put it out there. Kind of takes the weight off my shoulders and makes me feel just a little lighter. I’m a big girl so shedding even a little is a big help. You know? I strongly recommend it. What are your confessions?

  • I am officially one of those people who has an Instagram for their dogs. Yes – judge the shit of me because I don’t give a damn. It’s so much fun connecting with other pet accounts, pet brands, advocates and lovers. It’s an epic community and I am not ashamed to say I am part of it. Also – Alvin and Ollivander are wicked cute. So there’s that.
  • I LOVE LOVE LOVE FALL! I’m ready for sweaters, hoodies, scarves, Birkenstocks, fires and all the yummy comfort food that comes with it.
  • Fifth boss in ten months now at work. I am SO OVER IT. Keeping my head down and working but it’s hard. Moral is generally down. I’m doing my best to focus. We still have so much to execute on. Just because things aren’t going well doesn’t mean the work stops. I tend to welcome change because it’s a sign of progress but this much is difficult to keep my feet under me.

“Times is hard. And things are a changin’. I pray to God…” – John Legend, It Don’t Have to Change

  • I talk to myself. But frankly, sometimes I need the company.
  • Books have always been bae. However, as of late I am crushing it. I killed my goodreads reading challenge for 2016! And am still reading several more books because why not?! The Dayton Metro Library lets you check out a bazillion books at a time – both physical copies and digital. It’s amazing! If you’re a local Daytonian and avid reader – make sure to join this library if you haven’t already. They have so many locations and their digital library is impressive.
  • I think I might wear my Potter/Weasley shirt everyday until this election is over. Because that’s how I feel about it.
  • We have a neighbor who thinks its okay to park their cars in front of our house even though they have plenty of room at theirs. This is not a smart way to make friends with me. You will be unsuccessful.
  • I like to play Pokémon. Yes I’m grown. No I don’t care what you think. Major Poké goals. MAJOR.
  • I am going to start Christmas shopping this weekend. There are only TEN weekends until Christmas. And four of those weekends we will be traveling. I am starting to PANIC!
  • I’m in this perpetual cycle of messy desk, clean desk, disaster desk, clean desk. It never ends.
  • Settling on an EC Life Planner is easily one of the biggest decisions of my year. It dictates how I plan for 365 days! And every time I think I have my mind made up, the woman comes out with another edition that only messes up everything I’ve concluded. So…I’m struggling. This is my vise. Also – if you don’t use an EC Life Planner – you are running your life wrong. I’m not sponsored or anything, I’m just right. Check them out!

 

These are my confessions.

5 years

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Y’all! I’ve been in a committed employment relationship for 5 whole years. Monday was my official work anniversary. Second longest relationship other than my spouse (and BFF but duh!) and I’m not going to lie – I’m pretty goddamn impressed with myself. Work has been kicking my ASS but I did get a hot minute to reflect on the last 5 years:

  • I’ve more than doubled my starting salary. WOOT! Though if my manager is reading this (GOD I HOPE NOT) I legit need a raise STAT.
  • I’m currently on my 4th role in 5 years and they have all been promotions or growth opportunities.
  • Currently serving on the board of our women’s organization but have been an active member since I began work. It’s allowed me to meet authors like local leaders and authors like Katrina Kittle – who legit knows me now (GEEK MODE).
  • Agile- I know it, I’m in it, it’s my life.
  • I’ve met some amazing people along the way and made some enemies… I’m sure of it.
  • I’ve survived reorgs and still maintained a job! YAY!
  • I feel like I’ve created a professional brand for myself that is positive and that people genuinely respect.

Everyday I learn new things. Work is a challenge but in a good way. While I have my days to bitch about it I do enjoy my work and I can’t wait to see what the next 5 years has in store for me.

 

Confessions – 2nd ed.

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  • At work when I get into the elevator by myself – I push the close door button continuously to avoid people.
  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs are my kryptonite. I want to eat them ALL.
  • Things are changing at work and while I’m open to change and am trying to be optimistic – I have mixed emotions.
  • On days I need chocolate: I sneak a spoonful of Nutella when no one is looking.
  • I totally have a girl crush on Chrissy Teigen. I bought her cookbook – Cravings – for the food but also because of the pictures. GODDAMN she’s fierce!
  • I will not wear sandals or open toed shoes until I’ve had a pedicure. I feel like this is a rule more people should adopt because I’ve seen some nasty feet as of late.
  • I have never seen all the Star Trek movies. My husband is ashamed by this.
  • One of my favorite authors ever – Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess – was in Dayton this past weekend and I missed a chance to see her. I’m devastated. But being a parent trumps being a fangirl.

 

These are my confessions.

Confessions – starting anew

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If you’ve been with me a while – you know that I love to confess on my blog. It’s some unexplainable need to list my wrong doings and guilty pleasures. Since my pervious editions are gone (this is going to be an ongoing problem I feel) I’m starting my count over. It only seems right.

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  • Last night I ate a stupid amount of Velveeta Shells & Cheese. I had some unexplainable hankering that I just had to fulfill. Mission accomplished.
  • Christmas is my FAVORITE time of year and I’ve been begging Mike to let me put up my Christmas decorations since November first. He wasn’t feeling the same level of enthusiasm about it as I was.
  • I refused to turn the heat on in the house…until the other night when it snowed a bit. I caved. The heat is on BUT it’s set to 66 degrees.
  • Laundry is the bane of my existence. I hate doing it. No. Not hate… I LOATHE doing it. I keep praying for the Laundry Fairy to show up to my house. Bitch hasn’t come yet.
  • Our dogs have been so naughty lately that the cat is becoming my favorite.
  • I have 15 more days of work left this year and then I’m off for the holidays. 🙂 #zeromotivation
  • To say that I am behind on Christmas shopping would be a gross understatement. I’m starting to FREAK OUT.
  • I ride to work in silence. I need those ten minutes of silence a day to keep me sane.
  • The Apple Watch has be jonesin’.
  • I’ve been secretly eating my kid’s Halloween candy…one piece at a time.

These are my confessions.