Today I officially have a teenager. I know what you're thinking - OMG YOU LOOK AMAZING FOR SOMEONE WITH A 13 YEAR OLD!!! I totally agree. But holy shit, she's thirteen! I'll be honest, I've never kept anything alive this long. This is my personal best. *self high five* I'd like to take a moment… Continue reading 13
Tweenaging. Yeah it's a verb and it's not just a phase or "kids going through puberty." It's a mother fucking affliction. Especially for the parents. My daughter is currently tweenaging and it's a nightmare. False. It's worse than a nightmare. Everyday it's something new. Not good new like YAY I get new shoes! Bad new… Continue reading tweenaging
We had a mouse. I repeat. We had a mouse. HAD. A few weeks ago I walked into the garage and saw this shadow out of the corner of my eye. If you know me at all - you know that I have terrible eye sight. In fact, I'm legally blind without corrective lenses so… Continue reading That one time a mouse tired to move in without paying rent
Close talkers. I loath close talkers. If I can feel the heat of your nasty ass breath on me - you are too damn close. Back the fuck up! And why is there a need to get that close? I don't understand it. Just stop. I'm struggling through a book that Mike suggested to me. In… Continue reading Confessions – 4th ed.
When I buy anything for myself, I have major guilt about it and instantly want to return it. Even if it I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It's as if I don't deserve what I bought. I will have a 10-year-old on May 20th. OMG. This also means I will have been a parent for 1/3… Continue reading Confessions – 3rd ed.
I get it. I'm a bad mom. I work full time, I don't attend every gymnastics practice, I'm not on the PTO, I rarely if ever volunteer at school, I don't go to church often if ever, I cuss like a fucking sailor, I like my Lady and Diet, I'm not a super fit mom… Continue reading Don’t guilt me.
It's Elf on the Shelf season. I know that most parents dread this since it's really more work for them but I LOVE it! Our elf's name is Simon and he's always full of new surprises. Sophia is 9.5 and has the memory of an elephant. She literally remembers every single thing that Simon has… Continue reading Long live the Elf!