Today I’m officially one year divorced. Salut! *cheers-ing herself* And it’s been one hell of a year. A good year. A year of learning, growth and change. I did some reflecting and thought I would share.
Own who you are.
You should never have to hide or be someone else to be with someone. That's not healthy.
Never let someone belittle you.
No one should ever talk down to you or make you feel small. And if it happens, correct it immediately or remove that person from your life. Period.
Work on you.
Spend time on you. Do some self reflection. What are things you need to work on? Do that. Self love is hard but something you need to work on all the time. You have to be comfortable in your own skin - literally and figuratively.
Accept your imperfections.
We all have flaws. Some of which we can work on. Self improvement is important (see above). But perfection is unrealistic, despite what Insta and TikTok show us. We are human and therefore we are flawed. Come to terms with your flaws.
Respect alone time.
Okay this is a hard one. Loneliness and being alone are different. Being alone and being okay is important. We all need alone time to recoup. Even those moments in the car by yourself in silence count. But getting comfortable in your space by yourself and not constantly feeling like you need someone to talk to or be with is critical. You have to accept that time and use it for you.
Date when you’re ready.
There is no right amount of time or scientific calculation that says you need to be single or need to date in XYZ months. And people will ask, "Are you dating yet?" Everyone is different. Do you. Date everyone and their brother or sister on Bumble! Or don't date till you are ready. Or find someone in the produce section at the grocery store. Whatever works for YOU, at YOUR pace, in YOUR time.
Understand that partnership is not always 50/50.
There should be a natural ebb and flow to a relationship. Sometimes it might be 50/50. But other days it might be 70/30 because your person is just having a day. Or it might be 10/90 because you got sick and your partner is taking care of you. That's part of the partnership. Filling in the gaps when your person needs it. If your expectation is always 50/50 you're setting yourself up for failure.
Partners allow for space to grow.
People grow and growing together is amazing. It's important to give your person room to grow. It could be in any number of ways - academically, professionally, etc.. But let them grow and support them in their efforts.
Work together. Set goals together. Plan for your future. Work on projects. But do it together, not against each other.
Actual love is effortless.
Real love is easy. That takes your breath away, only thought it existed in movies kind of love exists. And when you find it, it's effortless and so rewarding. They say relationships take work and that's true. But loving that other person shouldn't.
Communication is not just talking. It's also listening. Make an effort to communicate. Understand your partners love languages. Make sure they understand yours. And know that communication is not always with words.
Don’t be scared to be honest.
Honesty is key. It's important to be honest without being hurtful. Lies are like cockroaches. Once there is one - there are many. And you will appreciate honesty even if it does hurt a bit in the long run. Don't shy away or avoid the truth.
And so life continues. Onward. Upward.