insomnia

can’t sleep
the silence is deafening
the darkness completely enveloping

can’t sleep
the anxiety within is swelling
it’s too much, it’s overwhelming

can’t sleep
the sadness is exhausting
forever turning and tossing

can’t sleep
the pain is quiet but throbbing
goes on and on without stopping

i can’t sleep
thoughts ongoing, never ending
lay there eyes closed pretending

I CANNOT SLEEP
forever awake
drowning in sorrow and heartache

depression lies

it’s hard to breathe air
your lungs barely work
the weight on your chest is too much to bear
you’re on the inside going berserk

you can hardly move a step
your body just feels so heavy
no matter your efforts, you barely schlep
clunk around like a rusty ‘86 Chevy

sometimes you shake
can’t control the tremor
or get vomit inducing headaches
people avoid you like you’re a leper

you’re surrounded by darkness
despite always trying to live in the light
it swallows you whole, regardless
you try to oppose it with allll your might

it tries so hard to control you
and most days it succeeds
but one day you will push through
battle scars guaranteed

because on that day you remember
depression lies

This isn’t about you

I appreciate your concerns
And thank you for calling
But I don’t want to talk
Yes, it’s you I’m stonewalling

You’re obnoxiously invasive
And all up in my business
When you’re around
I try to leave with the quickness

I know it’s out of love
And the kindness of your heart
But you have some sort of complex
Like Napoleon Bonaparte

You poke and broad
Seek information from others
Provide unsolicited advice
Omg it’s like being smothered

You read into everything
And always have a reply
But I’m quite alright
So please leave kthxbye

Mirror

Tossing turning
Can’t shake the feeling
All of a sudden I’m looking in the mirror
And it’s my face I’m peeling

Flesh in my hands
And I can’t understand why
But I have no control
Can’t speak, I’m tongue tied

I have no idea where I am
It’s eerily familiar as I look around
I swear I just heard a whisper
And there is blood on the ground

The mirror is cracked
My reflection is what I should see
But someone’s on the other side
Starring back at me

She’s smiling
Radiating joy, evil as could be
Pleased with the work she’s finished
Exposing fruit from the poisonous tree

Lately

Lately, I haven’t been able to journal. I just can’t. It’s as if the ability to just freely write has been taken away from me. My journal just sits there, collecting dust. But I can’t write. My thoughts don’t feel safe.

I have been writing here though. And oddly enough – it’s coming out in the form of poetry. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve written poetry since high school. I had a scary experience that left me all kinds of traumatized and so I wrote poetry about it. It’s how I coped. I suppose it makes a little bit of sense that I’ve been bitten by the poetry bug again. I’m going through a rather distressing phase and apparently that’s my poetry trigger. Who knew. *shrugs*

So apologies in advance for corny rhymes, awful phrasing and the jumbled mess that is my poetry.

Broken

I am broken
Made to feel inferior by your constant provoking

Beaten by your words, defeated by your actions
Ruined myself confidence with your dissatisfaction
Overly critical of all that I do
Keen to berate and rip me in two
Every discussion, I’m wrong and you’re right
Never realizing you brought me so much pain, night after night