Small – Part II

You still try to make me feel small
Every time you show up, text or call

Thinking you can tell me what to do
But I no longer have to listen to you

You say things to mess with my head
Act like you never heard the words that I said

I continue to try and remain polite
But you’re conniving and always trying to pick a fight

You have no respect for my home or my things
Always trying to push my buttons and pull my strings

You’re no different than a school yard bully
Except I stupidly thought you were an adult and could act maturely

But I won’t tolerate it anymore
I kicked you out and changed the locks on the door

I will no longer be made to feel small
I might be short in stature but I still stand tall

Autumn

🍂It’s officially Autumn
Truly my thrive season
When I’m no longer at rock bottom

It’s when the leaves begin to turn
Mums are brought out🍃
And everything is warm shades of gold and auburn

The temperature begins to drop
The days of Birkenstocks and sweatshirts
🍁And lattes from your favorite coffee shop

It’s the time of apple picking and eating🍂
Everything pumpkin
And kids out trick-or-treating

When you sit by the bonfire and pass moonshine
🍃Tell hilarious stories with friends
And the s’mores made are always top of the line

Sweater weather is truly when I’m at my best
My peak season
When I’m just ridiculously happy and incredibly blessed🍁

Sunshine

Sunshine
Warm, bright and pure
Often taken for granted
The solution, the remedy, the cure

Warmth
To my skin, heart and soul
Healing all the pain
From where life takes it’s toll

Bright
Shedding light on all my scars
Revealing the hurt I hide within
Setting me free, like a shuttle to the stars

Sunshine
That wonderful golden hue
The answer to all my troubles
Always there to see me through

Space

I’ve been working on establishing my own space lately. Both figuratively and literally. Like really making it my own. I’ve been very deliberate in this process, as I’m in a renaissance. And I’m being choosy. In all things.

Lately I’ve been working on my home office (since apparently I’ll be working from home indefinitely) and I stumbled upon some of my old stuff. Found my original Gameboy with Tetris. It’s fully functional and for the record – I still think it’s the best game ever. The music is just as awesome as I remember. Oh and I still kick ass. I also found a few old sketch books. Funny to see how my doodles have evolved some. Not much but some. And even how Soph and I are into drawing the same things at similar ages.

I also came across some of my poems. Like from almost 20 years ago. 😲 Woah. Let me just say. Y’all think I’m a head case now?! You don’t even know the half of it. Some of that shit was dark and some of it was just straight crazy. I might get brave and share a few. Might. Crazy to take a small peek back at life before bills, responsibilities, motherhood, etc. You know when we were young, carefree and well rested. Feels like an entirely different universe…

But setting up my own space has been really good for me. Liberating, insightful, cleansing…all the things. And I’m learning about myself. It seems in the years past, I’ve manage to lose myself. And worst of all, I didn’t even know it till recently. How does that even happen?! Who does that to themselves? Sigh. But I digress.

Now, I’m working on finding me all over again. It’s all a work in progress. I’m a work in progress.

Caution

Everything she touches dies
Life with her is not sustainable, that’s no surprise

She’s completely toxic
All things with her are catastrophic

She leaves destruction in her path
Sadness, anger, dissatisfaction always part of the aftermath

Honestly, poison would be a better option
At least you could take some sort of precaution

Approach at your own risk, you’ve been warned
So when she ruins you too, don’t act all misinformed

PhD

I have a doctorate in loneliness
An education I recently acquiesced

Originally not a choice I made
But for my freedom it was the price I paid

Before I knew it the isolation took over
And I wasn’t ready for this level of overexposure

I didn’t know what this lesson in loneliness would require
Turns out it would be baptism by fire

Now, the silence no longer swallows me
Instead it knows all of my idiosyncrasies

I’m no longer uncomfortable here
Or scared if I stay too long I will disappear

Today, it’s okay if I’m alone
No longer need company on the telephone

Learning to embrace solitude was harder than I ever could have known
The culmination of all my studies, my capstone

For no one knows what tomorrow will bring
But I’m smarter, stronger now, ready for anything