s t r e s s e d

Stressed doesn’t begin to explain what I am feeling but it’s a start. And overwhelmed is a gross understatement. Burnt out, exhausted….just don’t do it justice. I’m confident there is not a word for the magnitude of pressure that is building in my head, the migraine that I’ve had for what seems like forever, the never-ending list of things I need to do/clean/cook/pay/review, the nagging ear ringing, or the agony I am in when someone says Sarah/mom (or any other variations of those) because I’m afraid I won’t be able to deliver. So. Much. Pressure. I can’t answer any more questions. I can’t read any more emails. I can’t solve any more problems.

I HAVE OFFICIALLY EXCEED MAXIMUM CAPACITY.

I know. I’m a mom. We aren’t supposed to have a maximum. We have super powers. Well I’m all super-ed out. There I said it.

This mom is all super-ed out.

 

Confessions – 3rd ed.

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  • When I buy anything for myself, I have major guilt about it and instantly want to return it. Even if it I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It’s as if I don’t deserve what I bought.
  • I will have a 10-year-old on May 20th. OMG. This also means I will have been a parent for 1/3 of my entire life. Honestly, I think I deserve a damn party.
  • I did a major closet purge. And I then bought some much-needed clothes.
  • There are days I want to do nothing but watch Law & Order SVU reruns and eat ice cream…allllll day loooong.
  • When I’m in the car by myself I usual drive in complete silence. OR jam to Arabic music. One extreme or the other. Usually silence though.
  • I keep the house as a crisp 68 degrees. Which means as of late when the temperature as been dropping as night I wake up to it being about 64 in the house. If you come visit – wear a parka!
  • Fairly certain that I could eat Five Guys or Chipotle every day and be totally fine with it.
  • Writing in my planner gives me joy.
  • Browsing for books, buying books and adding to my eBook collection is one of my hobbies.
  • I enjoy shopping for office supplies more than clothes. They are one size fits all.

 

These are my confessions.

Don’t guilt me.

I get it. I’m a bad mom. I work full time, I don’t attend every gymnastics practice, I’m not on the PTO, I rarely if ever volunteer at school, I don’t go to church often if ever, I cuss like a fucking sailor, I like my Lady and Diet, I’m not a super fit mom and I lose my temper. I am a bad mom. I get it. You judge me for the way I talk to my daughter like a human being, a young adult instead of belittling her like a 4-year-old. You judge me for not watching my language, for my crazy hair and casual appearance. You judge me for small house, my old car, hell even my mixed family. Admit it – you judge the shit out of me.

It’s okay. I judge the shit out of you too. So we’re even. But don’t – don’t you dare guilt me. Don’t try to make me feel bad for not going to church every weekend or not attending every gymnastics practice. You don’t know me. You have no idea what is happening in my life. You don’t know that sometimes I have to convince myself to get up in the morning, to work through the depression and overwhelming anxiety and push through to be a functioning parent and wife. To find the energy to make a home cooked meal most nights, to study with my kid at night and drive to BFE for the next gymnastics meet, socialize with people when I don’t want to and drive all the way home in the same day. Or to do simple things like laundry, dishes, even getting the mail sometimes seems like a daunting task. So don’t you sit on your PTO pulpit and give me dirty looks for bring in store-bought goods for the class party or not sitting outside on the weekends to gab with the entire neighborhood because I would rather sit in the dark, alone in my room. Do not make me feel bad for not attending every baby shower, birthday, wedding, or party for your mom’s dog’s brother’s friend named Bob because I’m struggling with myself and don’t want to be around other people. DO NOT. DO NOT GUILT ME. EVER.

 

Long live the Elf!

It’s Elf on the Shelf season. I know that most parents dread this since it’s really more work for them but I LOVE it! Our elf’s name is Simon and he’s always full of new surprises.

Sophia is 9.5 and has the memory of an elephant. She literally remembers every single thing that Simon has ever done. We are constantly searching for new ideas and find that “Oh we’ve done that” is the common theme. BUT since she’s older – Simon gets to be more sneaky/fun than ever. Bwahahaha!

Best of all – Sophia is terrified Simon will provide a bad report to Santa so during elf season she is on her best behavior. As in, I woke up this morning and she asked if there were any chores she could do… as she was folding her laundry. YES. You read that correctly. Volunteered for chores AND folding her laundry….WITHOUT being threatened to do it. HOLY SHIT! As parents it’s our duty to take advantage of this gift and manipulate our children to do what we want. Right? If you need help in this area I strongly advise referencing Baby Sideburns – How to PROPERLY use your Elf on the Shelf. She’s got brilliant ideas!

Here’s what Simon has been up to:

*Follow me on Instagram to keep up with Simon’s shenanigans.*

So yes – I’m the exception and love elf season but can you blame me?  Parents everywhere should revel in this time of behavioral bliss from our children and take advantage of these few weeks. Oh and be sure manipulate the shit out of our children to get what we want for a short period of time.

LONG LIVE THE ELF!!!!