Unfiltered

Unusual to find a picture of just me
Never confident enough to for people to see
Filters used to make all the corrections
Important to fix my many imperfections
Longing to feel comfortable in my own skin
To feel beautiful on the outside and deep within
Everyday seeking some form of approval
Realizing slowly that self love is more crucial
Eventually I’ll show just me, bit by bit
Determined to be a girl that owns her own shit

Inked

I did a thing today
Finally got a tattoo
After years of being chicken
I decided to be a big girl and follow through

I got them for me and no one else
I didn’t want anyone knowing
This was personal, part of my journey
I couldn’t risk someone preventing me from going

I am so glad I did it
And I don’t care what people think or their response
My body, my decision
After all, this is Sarah’s Renaissance

Small – Part II

You still try to make me feel small
Every time you show up, text or call

Thinking you can tell me what to do
But I no longer have to listen to you

You say things to mess with my head
Act like you never heard the words that I said

I continue to try and remain polite
But you’re conniving and always picking a fight

You have no respect for my home or my things
Always trying to push my buttons and pull my strings

You’re no different than a school yard bully
Except I stupidly thought you were an adult and could act maturely

But I won’t tolerate it anymore
I kicked you out and changed the locks on the door

I will no longer be made to feel small
I might be short in stature but I still stand tall

Divorced

I’m officially divorced
A statement I can finally say with no remorse

It took me a while to get here
A rollercoaster of emotions – anger, sadness, denial, acceptance, and fear

And though not my choice when this all began
I decided to see this through and make a plan

After all the heartbreak, headaches and hell
I’m free, all of me, down to my last blood cell

I’m not dying so there is no need to pity or to call and inquire
This chapter is finished, I’m lighting that shit up and having a bonfire

I’m fine, in fact I’m better than okay
Today I got divorced, this is my liberation day

Sunshine

Sunshine
Warm, bright and pure
Often taken for granted
The solution, the remedy, the cure

Warmth
To my skin, heart and soul
Healing all the pain
From where life takes it’s toll

Bright
Shedding light on all my scars
Revealing the hurt I hide within
Setting me free, like a shuttle to the stars

Sunshine
That wonderful golden hue
The answer to all my troubles
Always there to see me through

Space

I’ve been working on establishing my own space lately. Both figuratively and literally. Like really making it my own. I’ve been very deliberate in this process, as I’m in a renaissance. And I’m being choosy. In all things.

Lately I’ve been working on my home office (since apparently I’ll be working from home indefinitely) and I stumbled upon some of my old stuff. Found my original Gameboy with Tetris. It’s fully functional and for the record – I still think it’s the best game ever. The music is just as awesome as I remember. Oh and I still kick ass. I also found a few old sketch books. Funny to see how my doodles have evolved some. Not much but some. And even how Soph and I are into drawing the same things at similar ages.

I also came across some of my poems. Like from almost 20 years ago. 😲 Woah. Let me just say. Y’all think I’m a head case now?! You don’t even know the half of it. Some of that shit was dark and some of it was just straight crazy. I might get brave and share a few. Might. Crazy to take a small peek back at life before bills, responsibilities, motherhood, etc. You know when we were young, carefree and well rested. Feels like an entirely different universe…

But setting up my own space has been really good for me. Liberating, insightful, cleansing…all the things. And I’m learning about myself. It seems in the years past, I’ve manage to lose myself. And worst of all, I didn’t even know it till recently. How does that even happen?! Who does that to themselves? Sigh. But I digress.

Now, I’m working on finding me all over again. It’s all a work in progress. I’m a work in progress.