Small – Part II

You still try to make me feel small
Every time you show up, text or call

Thinking you can tell me what to do
But I no longer have to listen to you

You say things to mess with my head
Act like you never heard the words that I said

I continue to try and remain polite
But you’re conniving and always picking a fight

You have no respect for my home or my things
Always trying to push my buttons and pull my strings

You’re no different than a school yard bully
Except I stupidly thought you were an adult and could act maturely

But I won’t tolerate it anymore
I kicked you out and changed the locks on the door

I will no longer be made to feel small
I might be short in stature but I still stand tall

Lonely

I‘m lonely
Missing that feeling of someone holding me closely

Listen, I’m very independent and capable
Oh what I would give, though, to find my true partner, with that bond, so unshakable
Needing them when I just can’t give it my all
Ever understanding of my long list of shortfalls
Looking around me, realizing this is merely a hopeless desire
Yet pleading with my maker nightly to help make this transpire

Head Space

I’m on a path of self destruction
Depending on the damage there may not be reconstruction

You know that nasty head space
That makes you question why you were born in the first place

Yeah that’s exactly where I’m at
Here things are never in your favor or even tit-for-tat

So much pain and yet I constantly feel nothing
Trying hard to avoid old habits that leave scars and blood gushing

Day after day of going through the motion
Nights feeling empty and completely broken

Incapable of seeing beyond my own defects
Disgusting and inadequate, an absolute reject

Just wanting to feel anything, anything at all
Only to fail and curl up in a ball

But I’m fine, it’s fine, just another bad episode
Hopefully it won’t last long or I might self-implode

Caution

Everything she touches dies
Life with her is not sustainable, that’s no surprise

She’s completely toxic
All things with her are catastrophic

She leaves destruction in her path
Sadness, anger, dissatisfaction always part of the aftermath

Honestly, poison would be a better option
At least you could take some sort of precaution

Approach at your own risk, you’ve been warned
So when she ruins you too, don’t act all misinformed

Unwanted

I am unwanted
Married, divorced, left damaged and daunted

Undesirable to all of the opposite sex
No one special and someone everyone forgets
Was once considered very intriguing
And is now not even remotely appealing
Not a soul wants me, disgusted, they use antibacterial
Trying so hard to be something to someone and not immaterial
Everyday rejection breeds further feelings of being unsightly
Deep down I hope someone sees me for me, but it’s highly unlikely

insomnia

can’t sleep
the silence is deafening
the darkness completely enveloping

can’t sleep
the anxiety within is swelling
it’s too much, it’s overwhelming

can’t sleep
the sadness is exhausting
forever turning and tossing

can’t sleep
the pain is quiet but throbbing
goes on and on without stopping

i can’t sleep
thoughts ongoing, never ending
lay there eyes closed pretending

I CANNOT SLEEP
forever awake
drowning in sorrow and heartache