Confessions – 11th ed.

Hi and welcome to the first confession of 2020!

New here? I’m a notorious confessor. I already have this problem of being very blunt (the bluntest blog – get it?) but on top of that I tend to confess things to the bloggy-verse. *shrugs* Oh well, shit happens. AND this whole global pandemic thing isn’t helping AT ALL. So…let’s begin.

  • I miss seeing people I actually like. Yes, I am locked up with my kid and yes I like her most days. But I mean people I actually like and want to spend time with. You know?
  • I have a secret hiding place for a Costco size jar of salted, dark chocolate caramels. JUDGE ME ALL YOU WANT BUT I LIVE WITH MONSTERS.
  • As of late – I’ve been very into my horoscope and have fallen into the madness that is Secret Tarot’s YouTube channel. She’s incredible.
  • I’m a difficult egg to crack. It’s hard for me to trust, to put my guard down. Very few manage to get through. And when I do finally let my walls down…I surrender completely.
  • I put on perfume everyday after I shower. Yes, even if I’m not going anywhere. Why can’t I feel pretty? There is no need to live like animals.
  • We have a cat – Kiko. He’s a great cat and I like him. I just don’t want a cat.
  • I can’t seem to journal, as of late. It’s like I lost the ability to write. So I’m doodling. Lots and lots of doodling.
  • We’ve only lived in this house a year but I can honestly say I’m not big on my new-ish neighbors. They are nice enough and don’t appear to be serial killers or anything. But my old crew were THE BEST and these new people just don’t have it.
  • I’m convinced my hair has stopped growing and is falling out. Stressing about it isn’t helping – that is for sure. But I’m in my thirties for Christ’s sake! So I’ve invested in shampoo and conditioner to help my hair grow. I know, right? It’s a thing – put it in the Google.
  • Lately, I’ve been sleeping cattywampus or completely sideways in bed. It feels more occupied that way.
  • The best part about social distancing is that I now have a legit excuse to socially distance from my family.
  • My kid is obsessed with Nutella. Sometimes I sneak a spoonful (or two) when no one is looking. And then when the jar runs out super fast I totally scold her for eating too much of it.
  • I feel like 2020 will be the year I get my first tattoo or a new piercing… something permanent to represent change.

These are my confessions.

Confessions – 10th ed. – Special edition!

If you’re new to these parts – I like to confess shit. Just say things that the bloggy-verse that I probably should say in actual confession [or to no one at all]. But you know – relieve the burden of carrying it around in my head. And I’m aging so I only have so much head space to spare.

This is a special confessions edition, specific on mental health since May was Mental Health Awareness Month. Yeah I’m late – but shit happens. And no I am not going to lecture you but rather confess some [very hard] truths about my mental health in hopes you might confess or face some hard truths about your own or someone you know. Regardless, know that it’s real, it can be very scary and very lonely and it should always be taken seriously.

So lets confess some shit…

  • I have chronic depression and anxiety disorder. And I am heavily medicated.
  • I have good days and bad days. Peaks and valleys.
  • My depression began in middle school (about 6th grade) and anxiety kicked into high gear in high school. I don’t recall anytime since then that I’ve not had either in my life.
  • In my family – mental health anything was frowned upon. You were depressed? You were supposed to get over it. You had anxiety? You were told to stop being anxious. Period.
  • I once went off my meds cold turkey. Serotonin withdrawal is awful. NOT RECOMMENDED.
  • My depression has taken many forms over the years. From nights planning my death and calling the Suicide Lifeline (1-800-273-8255, just in case you need it) to cutting, pill taking, hiding my home or just not being able to fully function.
  • My anxiety has also surfaced in many forms over the years. Panic attacks that would send me to the ER with a heart rate into the 180s+, blackouts where I’d wake up really disoriented and not know who/where/what the hell was going on for about 30 mins, dizziness, blurred vision, the shakes, and so on.
  • When Mike and I started dating- my panic attacks slowed down dramatically.
  • I have eczema and pick at it when I’m stressed or down or just want to hurt, to feel something. My arms are scared and most of the time I don’t care to show them.
  • I have two main outlets to deal with life – writing and reading.
  • I’ve kept a journal for as long as I can remember. Most of my childhood journals were destroyed by my mother (a post for another time). But I’ve always kept a journal and always will.
  • I read to escape into new places, take new adventures, solve new mysteries. To get out of my own head for a while. This is part of the reason I needed a library in my home.
  • Working out is starting to become a new outlet. SHOCKING FOR ME, I KNOW!!! But I think it’s because I pushing myself. I’m also in the renaissance!
  • Sometimes I’m entirely nonfunctional. I feel like an awful human being. And I hate that my kid is now old enough know something is wrong.
  • I’ve found some comfort in other people who understand. I often seek refuge in the words of Jenny Lawson, my favorite blogger and author. She gets that’s depression lies and darkness is real. She saves me.

These are my [mental health] confessions.

Confessions – 8th ed.

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Holy shit! I am yet to confess in 2018!! This might be a long one, you guys. I need to confess some serious shit STAT!

If this is your first confession with me – this is how it works: I have this problem where I just say things. I’m blunt {hence the name of my blog} and I don’t know how to hold back. So I confess my feelings, secrets, lame shit… all of the above. I’m not sure it’s a very endearing quality but oh well. Time to confess…

  • I. HATE. PEOPLE. I know you know this about me but the hatred has grown exponentially. I might need to see a doctor.
  • I’m binging NCIS on Netflix right now because I’m 85 years old and I have a legit crush on Leroy Jethro Gibbs. I MEAN COME ON.

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  • I have officially been blogging on WordPress (not blogging as a whole) for 11 years. I don’t have much to show for it but that’s okay. I don’t do this for you. I do this for me.
  • This is a new era for me – one I have deemed #sarahsrenaissance.
  • When you have curly hair – no one notices when it gets long. My hair is actually almost to my butt – longest it’s been in years – but still curls to my shoulders. NOT A SOUL HAS NOTICED. Ass holes.
  • I am recovering from bronchitis. It kicked my actual ass. I was legit sick for over 3 weeks and am still not 100%. It’s fucking bull shit.
  • I don’t understand people who you haven’t spoken to (either in real life or on social media) in years or have any interaction with whatsoever who creep on your social and then comment like your families hang out every weekend at the pool. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
  • Making a planner decision for the upcoming year takes me weeks of studying, research, debate, confiding in my best, etc. and is easily one of the hardest #firstworldproblems I’ll encounter for the year. My husband makes a mockery of the whole thing. Whatever.
  • I’m intrigued by dip powder nails. I don’t know why….
  • I took my tweenager and two pups on vacation by myself and NO ONE DIED!! I’ll admit, I thought it would be a disaster but it went better than expected. I consider this a great accomplishment.
  • I’m revisiting my like for pins. And Etsy is my playground.

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  • Never have I ever paid to have someone torture me in the gym before. I believe they call these professionals, trainers. However, I am closer to my first goal major weightloss achievement and am highly considering it. Clearly, not only am I losing weight, but also brain cells.
  • The 90s are back and I am here for all of it. I will say I find it super irritating that these little teeny bopper shits are rocking NKOTB and Run DMC shirts like it’s no big deal but they wouldn’t even know their epics jams if they were smacked in the face with their CDs.
  • I AM READY FOR SWEATER WEATHER! Fuck Summer. I am over it. I am ready for cardigans, Birkenstock clogs (yeah I still wear them and since the 90s are back – I’m totally in fashion, so there!!!), Fall foilage and WINTER. (NOTE: I am ANTI-pumpkin spice)
  • I am literally running out of clothes to wear that fit me and I am too cheap to buy myself new clothes. I’m the money/bill person at our house. All I see are $$$ and how I could utilize that in a more productive fashion (pardon the pun) versus just buying clothes.
  • Fairly confident that I will purchase whatever phone Apple drops this year because my 6s is acting like a piece of shit and I refuse to only have a work phone.
  • We have a neighborhood poopbandit who has been shitting in the community pool. As a result the pool as been closed for cleaning. I may never set foot in it again.
  • The prospect of three paychecks in one month always gets me giddy! And then life happens and somehow I don’t get to enjoy that extra paycheck. Sigh.
  • My kid has to get a new competition leo for the second year in a row. Last year I was told the leo would be used for two years. APPARENTLY we are getting new ones this year because some parents complained about the red of the leos from last year (they were black, red and sliver) and are totally okay dropping $300.00 for shits and giggles. I want names. I want the names of said complainers so I can find them and give them something to actually complain about. And also bill them $300.00 for the extra fucking leo I have to buy.
  • I have no use for Facebook anymore. I actually hate it. If it wasn’t for family overseas – I would delete it. I don’t get me started on FB messenger…

 

These are my confessions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confessions – 7th ed.

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It’s been a while since I had a confession. I feel like it I’m overdue. Like when you keep a library book for too long and then shamefully (and on the sly) try to return it without the librarians seeing you. You avid readers know what I’m talking about, right? So lets confess some shit!

  • I’m starting to prefer Instagram Stories to Snapchat. I feel like the Snap is just getting trashy.
  • I am super behind on my reading goal for the year. I have hopes of catching up but in the meantime I will remain disappointed in myself.
  • I’m starting to get more forgetful with age. Two times this in the last 10 days – I defrosted chicken in the fridge and then completely forgot about it. UGH.
  • Peanut M&Ms are becoming my new favorite. Why did I ever like plain better?
  • I am a diehard McDonald’s Diet Coke gal but Speedway’s Diet Coke isn’t too shabby.
  • When my kid is at gym and I should be doing things like cooking dinner and folding laundry – I’m really binge watching Orange is the New Black or Shameless.
  • When I see little, whiney babies or toddlers, I count my blessings for only have one kid and love her even more for being old enough to wipe her own ass.
  • Using my Amazon Dash buttons fills me with glee.
  • Speaking of Amazon – anyone else have 2304923 things in their cart? I’m probably not going to buy them anytime this century but they are there waiting for me on the off-chance I find the money to get them.
  • My niece and I have a running streak in Snapchat because I’m the cool aunt.
  • I believe first impressions are important. But first food impressions are everything!
  • Sometimes going to the pool is difficult – I hate getting in a swimsuit – but my kid loves the pool AND I get a chance to judge the swingers club in my neighborhood. Oh yes – we have a swingers club. VERY entertaining. More about this later…
  • I’m obsessed with this game blackbox on my phone. It’s addicting.

 

These are my confessions.

Confessions – 6th ed.

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Happy 2017! If you’re like me – this is your first week back to work and if you’ve made it to Friday then CONGRATS on surviving your first week back in hell. If you accomplish nothing else this year then you’ve done that! I essentially took the month of December off so  you can imagine how I felt going to the office on Tuesday. YIKES!

If you are just joining the shenanigans – I like to confess shit. My husband, Mike, probably says I do this too much {I sense his eyes rolling right now}. I just put it out there. Kind of takes the weight off my shoulders and makes me feel just a little lighter. If you know me, I need to drop some serious weight so shedding even a little is a big help. Everyone likes to loose weight, am I right? So to start my 2017 blogging year – I wanted to get some things off my chest. What better way to do that than confess.

  • I’m a sucky gift giver. I never know what to get. It’s just really not my strength.
  • In my next home I will have a room with floor to ceiling shelves for books. I have dreamt of this since I was a kid. Most people dream of castles – I dream of libraries.
  • I hate the Kardashians. Everything about the. WITH A PASSION. There, I said it. Shun me.
  • My name is Sarah and I have a wrapping paper addiction. I LOVE to buy wrapping paper. Mainly Christmas (because it’s my favorite holiday) but if it’s a deal – I’ll likely buy it. I have problem and I might need help.
  • Don’t go into my office closet. It’s a scary place where I’m unorganized. I hide things there and shove things I don’t want to deal with or don’t know where to put. Beware.
  • For the first time in 5 years I am using my EC Life Planner differently and I have low-key anxiety about it. Because while I welcome change, it’s still super hard shit.
  • I don’t set resolutions. I set goals.
  • Personally, I think LuLaRoe is a fugly. Why are grown ass women trying to dress like Miss Frizzle? I don’t understand it? Riddle me this – $35 for leggings that you have to hand wash? And they have pizzas on them? No.
    • {Side note: I know people are going to hate for this confession. But it’s my confession so it’s okay. Also – I don’t care what people think.}
  • I started a new journal for 2017 without finishing my previous one. This goes against my journaling code of ethics but sometimes rules need to be broken.
  • Raw broccoli >>> raw cauliflower.
  • We watched Elf about 76 times this Christmas and it was glorious! Sadly, I didn’t get in one Home Alone marathon and I’m sad about it.
  • I don’t have a TV in my bedroom.
  • I’m over Bey.
  • I totally slacked on the Elf on the Shelf this year. Oops! Oh well. Simon the Elf will return to his ridiculous pranks Decemeber 2017.
  • There are people in the world who don’t like FRIENDS. This baffles me. Iconic 90’s television!
  • The ASPCA commercials with the cold puppies that get you to donate money piss me off.
  • I only take selfies in Snapchat.

These are my confessions.

Confessions – 5th ed.

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If you are just joining the shenanigans – I like to confess shit. Just put it out there. Kind of takes the weight off my shoulders and makes me feel just a little lighter. I’m a big girl so shedding even a little is a big help. You know? I strongly recommend it. What are your confessions?

  • I am officially one of those people who has an Instagram for their dogs. Yes – judge the shit of me because I don’t give a damn. It’s so much fun connecting with other pet accounts, pet brands, advocates and lovers. It’s an epic community and I am not ashamed to say I am part of it. Also – Alvin and Ollivander are wicked cute. So there’s that.
  • I LOVE LOVE LOVE FALL! I’m ready for sweaters, hoodies, scarves, Birkenstocks, fires and all the yummy comfort food that comes with it.
  • Fifth boss in ten months now at work. I am SO OVER IT. Keeping my head down and working but it’s hard. Moral is generally down. I’m doing my best to focus. We still have so much to execute on. Just because things aren’t going well doesn’t mean the work stops. I tend to welcome change because it’s a sign of progress but this much is difficult to keep my feet under me.

“Times is hard. And things are a changin’. I pray to God…” – John Legend, It Don’t Have to Change

  • I talk to myself. But frankly, sometimes I need the company.
  • Books have always been bae. However, as of late I am crushing it. I killed my goodreads reading challenge for 2016! And am still reading several more books because why not?! The Dayton Metro Library lets you check out a bazillion books at a time – both physical copies and digital. It’s amazing! If you’re a local Daytonian and avid reader – make sure to join this library if you haven’t already. They have so many locations and their digital library is impressive.
  • I think I might wear my Potter/Weasley shirt everyday until this election is over. Because that’s how I feel about it.
  • We have a neighbor who thinks its okay to park their cars in front of our house even though they have plenty of room at theirs. This is not a smart way to make friends with me. You will be unsuccessful.
  • I like to play Pokémon. Yes I’m grown. No I don’t care what you think. Major Poké goals. MAJOR.
  • I am going to start Christmas shopping this weekend. There are only TEN weekends until Christmas. And four of those weekends we will be traveling. I am starting to PANIC!
  • I’m in this perpetual cycle of messy desk, clean desk, disaster desk, clean desk. It never ends.
  • Settling on an EC Life Planner is easily one of the biggest decisions of my year. It dictates how I plan for 365 days! And every time I think I have my mind made up, the woman comes out with another edition that only messes up everything I’ve concluded. So…I’m struggling. This is my vise. Also – if you don’t use an EC Life Planner – you are running your life wrong. I’m not sponsored or anything, I’m just right. Check them out!

 

These are my confessions.