Confessions – 14th ed.

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Hi. Hey. Hello there! And welcome to the first 2021 confessions post. I felt that since we are more than half way through the year I probably should confess some shit.

Newish here? Let me give you the skinny. I have this problem where I’m overly honest and tend to share my confessions publicly. It’s an issue and gets me in trouble sometimes. *shrugs*

Where do I begin…

  • I 1000% have a crush on Elliot Stabler in Law & Order: SVU and I could not wait for Law & Order: Organized Crime to start in April. And now it’s here and I’m just going to say it – he’s sixty and sexy and I would have his babies. Twice.
  • I love to create playlists…but I do not know how to make them an appropriate length. They just become hours upon hours worth of music. I need training.
  • I found my first gray hair (on my head *ahem*) and FREAKED OUT. Is this what happens at 35? I’m not ready.
  • At any given time, I have at least three bottles of my favorite non-dairy creamer on hand. It was out of stock one time and I am forever traumatized.
  • Yes I said non-dairy. I’m officially too much dairy destroys me but I eat it anyway and pay for it later years old.
  • Lately, I’ve caught myself emotionally eating. It’s not good. I need to do something constructive.
  • Yellow has always been my spirit color but lately I find that I need it more. It’s simply brings me happiness.
  • There is a serious lack of motivation happening right now in my life. Don’t get me wrong – I have a shit ton of work to get done but zero energy or desire to do any of it.
  • I’m cheating on my favorite yogurt. They don’t sell it at Kroger anymore. I can only get it from a local grocery store, so I grab a few when I run in there to get something (if I remember). I feel guilty. The other yogurt is okay.
  • My oldest pup – Alvin – is deaf now. When the vet confirmed this in his last appointment I sobbed like a baby. I know he will be okay but I was just sad for him. How scary was that? He was losing his hearing this whole time and I didn’t know. 😦
  • Vintage resellers on Instagram are my current kryptonite.

These are my confessions.

I’m sorry

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I’m sorry.
For saying all the things.
For oversharing my thoughts.
For being in my feelings sometimes.
For over communicating.
For being too forward and too honest.
For caring too much.
For loving too hard.
For wanting things that aren’t mine.
For wishing things I’m unworthy of.
For being stubborn.
For being sassy.
For giving my unsolicited opinion from time to time.
For being indecisive.
For being a total head case.
For having anxiety and depression.
For having this body and body image issues.
For crying too easily.
For playing with my hair too much.
For having a foul mouth.
For not being someone else.
I’m sorry for just being me.
I’m sorry.

Feelings

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In my feelings
Drowning in all the things I’ve been concealing

Stuck in my head
Wishing I was anywhere else instead

But I’m trapped in this awfully dark place
Full of thoughts I can’t erase

They consume my everything
Dragging me along like a plaything

It’s here I analyze and overthink
It’s very clear why I see a shrink

Hoping maybe someone will take notice
But on their own lives they are focused

These thoughts don’t make me special or unique
Merely sleep deprived and weak

I’ll resurface eventually, it’s fine
In the meantime, suck it up kid and don’t whine

From the Vault: Until the End of Time

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(Written on October 12th, 2004)

I value what we have
With everything I am
Granted it’s only been a few months
But all I can say is DAMN
I need you in my life
Something stable to lean on
Things would be very shaky
If you were ever gone
You know more about me
Than I would ever care to share
With absolutely anyone else
They don’t even begin to compare
No doubt about it
You are a phenomenal friend
I plan on sticking through it all
Until the very end
No matter what we face
I think we can handle it together
You by me and me by you
A strong team forever

Unfiltered

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Unusual to find a picture of just me
Never confident enough to for people to see
Filters used to make all the corrections
Important to fix my many imperfections
Longing to feel comfortable in my own skin
To feel beautiful on the outside and deep within
Everyday seeking some form of approval
Realizing slowly that self love is more crucial
Eventually I’ll show just me, bit by bit
Determined to be a girl that owns her own shit

Growing

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I’m growing
Morphing and changing into a better version of me

Giving myself a chance knowing there is never a guarantee
Ready, finally, for this new chapter of my life
Over all the toxic people – cutting them out with a knife
Willfully hoping for good things and ready for new memories
I’m proud of how far I’ve come – made sure to sage away bad energies
Nothing about this has been easy – anxious, emotions overflowing
Going to just take it one day at a time and keep on glowing