I did a thing today
Finally got a tattoo
After years of being chicken
I decided to be a big girl and follow through
I got them for me and no one else
I didn’t want anyone knowing
This was personal, part of my journey
I couldn’t risk someone preventing me from going
I am so glad I did it
And I don’t care what people think or their response
My body, my decision
After all, this is Sarah’s Renaissance
You still try to make me feel small
Every time you show up, text or call
Thinking you can tell me what to do
But I no longer have to listen to you
You say things to mess with my head
Act like you never heard the words that I said
I continue to try and remain polite
But you’re conniving and always picking a fight
You have no respect for my home or my things
Always trying to push my buttons and pull my strings
You’re no different than a school yard bully
Except I stupidly thought you were an adult and could act maturely
But I won’t tolerate it anymore
I kicked you out and changed the locks on the door
I will no longer be made to feel small
I might be short in stature but I still stand tall
I’m officially divorced
A statement I can finally say with no remorse
It took me a while to get here
A rollercoaster of emotions – anger, sadness, denial, acceptance, and fear
And though not my choice when this all began
I decided to see this through and make a plan
After all the heartbreak, headaches and hell
I’m free, all of me, down to my last blood cell
I’m not dying so there is no need to pity or to call and inquire
This chapter is finished, I’m lighting that shit up and having a bonfire
I’m fine, in fact I’m better than okay
Today I got divorced, this is my liberation day
🍂It’s officially Autumn
Truly my thrive season
When I’m no longer at rock bottom
It’s when the leaves begin to turn
Mums are brought out🍃
And everything is warm shades of gold and auburn
The temperature begins to drop
The days of Birkenstocks and sweatshirts
🍁And lattes from your favorite coffee shop
It’s the time of apple picking and eating🍂
Everything pumpkin
And kids out trick-or-treating
When you sit by the bonfire and pass moonshine
🍃Tell hilarious stories with friends
And the s’mores made are always top of the line
Sweater weather is truly when I’m at my best
My peak season
When I’m just ridiculously happy and incredibly blessed🍁
I‘m lonely
Missing that feeling of someone holding me closely
Listen, I’m very independent and capable
Oh what I would give, though, to find my true partner, with that bond, so unshakable
Needing them when I just can’t give it my all
‘Ever understanding of my long list of shortfalls
Looking around me, realizing this is merely a hopeless desire
Yet pleading with my maker nightly to help make this transpire
(Written on June 25th, 2003)
It’s just this thing I do
With no effort at all
The words come so naturally
From my mind through my fingers they fall
I consider it an art
And hold my brush and paint
Then I step back and look
So beautiful and breathless, I faint
Every stroke is an emotion
Every color a feeling
From blazing fire and rage
To rain, flowers and healing
Writing, my life!
