Hi. Welcome to another edition of my confessions. It’s been a minute since I spilled my guts so this might be a longer list than usual.
If you’re new here – save yourself! I mean, welcome! I have a condition known as word vomit where I have a bad habit of speaking the truth. Too often. It’s side effects include bull shit intolerance and loss of friendships. Also, emotional eating and sudden death. But it’s fine. Anyway, every now and then I opt to just confess on Al Gore’s internet because why the hell not.
- So I’m finding that a global pandemic is a solid excuse for canceling plans or having to reschedule appointments/meetings. They really cannot get mad at you.
- I am an overthinking, over analyzing crazy bitch. Yes. I know this about myself and I do it anyway. Pretty sure it’s a form of self destruction.
- Lyrics, like quotes, carry a lot of meaning for me.
- I’m addicted to Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups and I hide them from my kid because while sharing is caring – that rule does not apply to mama’s chocolate. Haven’t had them? Go. Now. Go right now and get some. I can wait….
- I’m low key jealous of those houses in the neighborhood that are perfectly gingerbreaded with Christmas lights. One day I’ll be independently wealthy and will just have extra money laying about to have this done for me. Until then, I will drive by in awe of other people’s perfectly lit homes. Nevermind. Who am I kidding? I will NEVER have hoards of money to spend on something like that. I guess I’ll just be forever butthurt.
- Occasionally, it sounds like someone is walking on the second floor of the house when we are all downstairs. (I KNOW I KNOW – I SAGED AND EVERYTHING!!!!) It could be the wind since this house has drafty ass windows. But I have convinced myself that this is just my fairy godmother checking in. She’s a little thick, so she’s not as light in her feet.
- I have over 150 items in my Amazon saved for later cart. It’s a problem.
- For Thanksgiving this year – I found myself thankful for things like alone time, masks, my divorce, having particular people in my life this year….in addition to the usual stuff like family and good health.
- There are at least three more tattoos in my future. And I’m super excited about it!
- Holiday foods I cannot condone: whipped mashed potatoes (where the fuck are the lumps, yo?!), canned cranberry anything, stuffing or dressing (whatever you call it), eggnog (*gags*), and fruitcake (I would actually rather be put down).
- I love the Amazon man. He’s essentially my boyfriend. He comes to see me regularly and he brings me things.
- I am a sucker for a Buzzfeed list. “58 Fancy But Inexpensive Gifts For Everyone On Your List” or “3984 Things You Didn’t Know You Needed But Totally Do” or “38 Books to Read If You Loved Harry Potter” or “47 Things For the Geek In Your Life”…you get the idea. I’m the person who goes through them, the person who adds that shit to their wish list on Amazon, the person who is like,”shut the front door, I do need that.” This is like the virtual Target Dollar Bin for me.
- Wrapping presents is a hobby of mine. You hate it? Totally fine. Bring me yours and I’ll wrap them for you. I LOVE TO WRAP!
These are my confessions.