Month: October 2020

Divorced

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I’m officially divorced
A statement I can finally say with no remorse

It took me a while to get here
A rollercoaster of emotions – anger, sadness, denial, acceptance, and fear

And though not my choice when this all began
I decided to see this through and make a plan

After all the heartbreak, headaches and hell
I’m free, all of me, down to my last blood cell

I’m not dying so there is no need to pity or to call and inquire
This chapter is finished, I’m lighting that shit up and having a bonfire

I’m fine, in fact I’m better than okay
Today I got divorced, this is my liberation day

Autumn

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šŸ‚Itā€™s officially Autumn
Truly my thrive season
When Iā€™m no longer at rock bottom

Itā€™s when the leaves begin to turn
Mums are brought outšŸƒ
And everything is warm shades of gold and auburn

The temperature begins to drop
The days of Birkenstocks and sweatshirts
šŸAnd lattes from your favorite coffee shop

Itā€™s the time of apple picking and eatingšŸ‚
Everything pumpkin
And kids out trick-or-treating

When you sit by the bonfire and pass moonshine
šŸƒTell hilarious stories with friends
And the sā€™mores made are always top of the line

Sweater weather is truly when Iā€™m at my best
My peak season
When Iā€™m just ridiculously happy and incredibly blessedšŸ

Lonely

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I‘m lonely
Missing that feeling of someone holding me closely

Listen, I’m very independent and capable
Oh what I would give, though, to find my true partner, with that bond, so unshakable
Needing them when I just can’t give it my all
‘Ever understanding of my long list of shortfalls
Looking around me, realizing this is merely a hopeless desire
Yet pleading with my maker nightly to help make this transpire

From the vault: Writing

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(Written on June 25th, 2003)

Itā€™s just this thing I do
With no effort at all
The words come so naturally
From my mind through my fingers they fall

I consider it an art
And hold my brush and paint
Then I step back and look
So beautiful and breathless, I faint

Every stroke is an emotion
Every color a feeling
From blazing fire and rage
To rain, flowers and healing

Writing, my life!

Sunshine

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Sunshine
Warm, bright and pure
Often taken for granted
The solution, the remedy, the cure

Warmth
To my skin, heart and soul
Healing all the pain
From where life takes it’s toll

Bright
Shedding light on all my scars
Revealing the hurt I hide within
Setting me free, like a shuttle to the stars

Sunshine
That wonderful golden hue
The answer to all my troubles
Always there to see me through

Head Space

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Iā€™m on a path of self destruction
Depending on the damage there may not be reconstruction

You know that nasty head space
That makes you question why you were born in the first place

Yeah thatā€™s exactly where Iā€™m at
Here things are never in your favor or even tit-for-tat

So much pain and yet I constantly feel nothing
Trying hard to avoid old habits that leave scars and blood gushing

Day after day of going through the motion
Nights feeling empty and completely broken

Incapable of seeing beyond my own defects
Disgusting and inadequate, an absolute reject

Just wanting to feel anything, anything at all
Only to fail and curl up in a ball

But Iā€™m fine, itā€™s fine, just another bad episode
Hopefully it wonā€™t last long or I might self-implode