Month: April 2020

Confessions – 11th ed.

SarahLeave a comment

Hi and welcome to the first confession of 2020!

New here? I’m a notorious confessor. I already have this problem of being very blunt (the bluntest blog – get it?) but on top of that I tend to confess things to the bloggy-verse. *shrugs* Oh well, shit happens. AND this whole global pandemic thing isn’t helping AT ALL. So…let’s begin.

  • I miss seeing people I actually like. Yes, I am locked up with my kid and yes I like her most days. But I mean people I actually like and want to spend time with. You know?
  • I have a secret hiding place for a Costco size jar of salted, dark chocolate caramels. JUDGE ME ALL YOU WANT BUT I LIVE WITH MONSTERS.
  • As of late – I’ve been very into my horoscope and have fallen into the madness that is Secret Tarot’s YouTube channel. She’s incredible.
  • I’m a difficult egg to crack. It’s hard for me to trust, to put my guard down. Very few manage to get through. And when I do finally let my walls down…I surrender completely.
  • I put on perfume everyday after I shower. Yes, even if I’m not going anywhere. Why can’t I feel pretty? There is no need to live like animals.
  • We have a cat – Kiko. He’s a great cat and I like him. I just don’t want a cat.
  • I can’t seem to journal, as of late. It’s like I lost the ability to write. So I’m doodling. Lots and lots of doodling.
  • We’ve only lived in this house a year but I can honestly say I’m not big on my new-ish neighbors. They are nice enough and don’t appear to be serial killers or anything. But my old crew were THE BEST and these new people just don’t have it.
  • I’m convinced my hair has stopped growing and is falling out. Stressing about it isn’t helping – that is for sure. But I’m in my thirties for Christ’s sake! So I’ve invested in shampoo and conditioner to help my hair grow. I know, right? It’s a thing – put it in the Google.
  • Lately, I’ve been sleeping cattywampus or completely sideways in bed. It feels more occupied that way.
  • The best part about social distancing is that I now have a legit excuse to socially distance from my family.
  • My kid is obsessed with Nutella. Sometimes I sneak a spoonful (or two) when no one is looking. And then when the jar runs out super fast I totally scold her for eating too much of it.
  • I feel like 2020 will be the year I get my first tattoo or a new piercing… something permanent to represent change.

These are my confessions.

Escape

SarahLeave a comment

Books are my sanctuary
Where things are imaginary

I fall into the pages
Into different worlds, places, and stages

I can lose myself in the prose
Where metaphors and similes are juxtaposed

I can be someone else for a while
Fight crime, wave a wand, live the Jones’ lifestyle

I’m free to travel near or far
Through fiction, fantasy, mystery or memoir

Books are my safety net
A place to escape all of life’s regrets





Doll in the Window

SarahLeave a comment

Doll in the window
The prettiest of everyone
She was desired by many
But only promised to one

Taken home and loved
For a while anyway
Then discarded without hesitation
One cold winter’s day

She’s broken now
Way beyond damaged
And far less pretty than before
Left tattered and bandaged

Doll in the window
Who someone no longer wanted
Will never again be loved
And left forever haunted

It’s fine

SarahLeave a comment

Sometimes life kicks you in the ass. Currently, it seems life is beating the actual shit out of me. *deepest of sighs* And the beating feels like it’s been going on forever. But I’ve gotten a few jabs in, here and there. And I’m figuring out how to hold my own. You know – stand on my own two feet. Slowly but surely.

All this to say – I’m going through some shit right now. And it’s hard and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing 99% of the time. I’m scared, upset, lonely, angry…all the emotions, all at once. But it’s fine. I’ll be fine.

And you might be going through something too. And I just wanted you to know – you’re not alone. You’re not the only one struggling to figure things out. You’re not the only one doubting yourself or questioning your next move. And you’re definitely not the only one having mini break downs or unable to get a hold of yourself. Nope. Not alone at all. And that’s okay. We will figure it out.

It’s fine. We are fine.