I work in an office. I chronicle my work experiences often in my #chroniclesofcubeworld tweets. But I’ve decided that some things just need told.

Today I’d like to introduce you to a person in the office that I affectionately call 6 pager (aka 6pger). Why, you ask, do I call said person 6pger? Because when they applied for their current role – they submitted a six page resume.

Let me explain something. Resume etiquette – yes there is etiquette for resume writing – states that you should have one page for every ten years of professional work. Most people keep it between one to two pages. That being said – the ONLY time a six page resume would be acceptable is if:

• You’ve dedicated 60+ years of your life to a career and your CV needs to reflect the breadth of your work.
• You are in fact the Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa or Gandhi, all of whom would be too humble to have six pages of things to say about themselves anyway.
• You’ve walked on the moon, solved world hunger, cured cancer, secured all children proper education across the globe and or brought peace to all of the Middle East.

That’s it! So if you don’t fit into those categories a six page resume is absolutely unacceptable. But I digress…

6pager has been around for a minute now but still is of the volition that learning the actual parts of the role is optional. This I can’t wrap my head around. When I begin a new role or take on any new responsibility and they tell me to learn X. I learn X. And then Y and Z. Because knowledge is power! Additionally, said verbose individual does not collaborate, communicate, or commiserate with teammates. The team is small so if one of the group doesn’t actively participate it makes a very lopsided team dynamic. This person essentially takes notes, sends meeting notices and meeting minutes. They are a glorified note taker, making too much for doing too little.

And despite how long winded and highly accredited 6pger is, they lack the ability to critically think. As in none whatsoever. Like not even out of a cardboard box. This is alarming to me in a heavy critical thinking, problem solving type role. If complete, step by step directions are not given or a template not provided – they are all deer in the headlights. The one thing that I think bothers me the most is that 6pger is a “let me go ask permission” employee. You know the type? This is a high preforming, high caliber, working professional environment. If you feel like you need to run to mommy or daddy to ask permission before you make any decision, then this is not the place for you. Period. It’s disgraceful. It means you aren’t capable of thinking or executing on your own.

*Deep sigh* 

Six whole pages of resume and yet so many holes.

6pger is a nice human being. Naive as hell but nice. Just not someone I care to interact with at work. Or ever.