- When I buy anything for myself, I have major guilt about it and instantly want to return it. Even if it I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It’s as if I don’t deserve what I bought.
- I will have a 10-year-old on May 20th. OMG. This also means I will have been a parent for 1/3 of my entire life. Honestly, I think I deserve a damn party.
- I did a major closet purge. And I then bought some much-needed clothes.
- There are days I want to do nothing but watch Law & Order SVU reruns and eat ice cream…allllll day loooong.
- When I’m in the car by myself I usual drive in complete silence. OR jam to Arabic music. One extreme or the other. Usually silence though.
- I keep the house as a crisp 68 degrees. Which means as of late when the temperature as been dropping as night I wake up to it being about 64 in the house. If you come visit – wear a parka!
- Fairly certain that I could eat Five Guys or Chipotle every day and be totally fine with it.
- Writing in my planner gives me joy.
- Browsing for books, buying books and adding to my eBook collection is one of my hobbies.
- I enjoy shopping for office supplies more than clothes. They are one size fits all.
These are my confessions.
Y’all! I’ve been in a committed employment relationship for 5 whole years. Monday was my official work anniversary. Second longest relationship other than my spouse (and BFF but duh!) and I’m not going to lie – I’m pretty goddamn impressed with myself. Work has been kicking my ASS but I did get a hot minute to reflect on the last 5 years:
- I’ve more than doubled my starting salary. WOOT! Though if my manager is reading this (GOD I HOPE NOT) I legit need a raise STAT.
- I’m currently on my 4th role in 5 years and they have all been promotions or growth opportunities.
- Currently serving on the board of our women’s organization but have been an active member since I began work. It’s allowed me to meet authors like local leaders and authors like Katrina Kittle – who legit knows me now (GEEK MODE).
- Agile- I know it, I’m in it, it’s my life.
- I’ve met some amazing people along the way and made some enemies… I’m sure of it.
- I’ve survived reorgs and still maintained a job! YAY!
- I feel like I’ve created a professional brand for myself that is positive and that people genuinely respect.
Everyday I learn new things. Work is a challenge but in a good way. While I have my days to bitch about it I do enjoy my work and I can’t wait to see what the next 5 years has in store for me.
I get it. I’m a bad mom. I work full time, I don’t attend every gymnastics practice, I’m not on the PTO, I rarely if ever volunteer at school, I don’t go to church often if ever, I cuss like a fucking sailor, I like my Lady and Diet, I’m not a super fit mom and I lose my temper. I am a bad mom. I get it. You judge me for the way I talk to my daughter like a human being, a young adult instead of belittling her like a 4-year-old. You judge me for not watching my language, for my crazy hair and casual appearance. You judge me for small house, my old car, hell even my mixed family. Admit it – you judge the shit out of me.
It’s okay. I judge the shit out of you too. So we’re even. But don’t – don’t you dare guilt me. Don’t try to make me feel bad for not going to church every weekend or not attending every gymnastics practice. You don’t know me. You have no idea what is happening in my life. You don’t know that sometimes I have to convince myself to get up in the morning, to work through the depression and overwhelming anxiety and push through to be a functioning parent and wife. To find the energy to make a home cooked meal most nights, to study with my kid at night and drive to BFE for the next gymnastics meet, socialize with people when I don’t want to and drive all the way home in the same day. Or to do simple things like laundry, dishes, even getting the mail sometimes seems like a daunting task. So don’t you sit on your PTO pulpit and give me dirty looks for bring in store-bought goods for the class party or not sitting outside on the weekends to gab with the entire neighborhood because I would rather sit in the dark, alone in my room. Do not make me feel bad for not attending every baby shower, birthday, wedding, or party for your mom’s dog’s brother’s friend named Bob because I’m struggling with myself and don’t want to be around other people. DO NOT. DO NOT GUILT ME. EVER.